Early in 2019, I stood in prayer, asking God what keeps me from authentic living before Him. I asked Him to show me how to better dedicate myself to His service.
Naivete and Arrogance
In my naivete and with some arrogance, I offered to dedicate my life to His service. As though I could be His partner in this great endeavour of the perfecting of Creation.
God’s answer came to me in a rush that left me in tears. Surrender control. Give it up. Stop trying to control your environment. His words hit me hard, but I thought I understood. Just three weeks later I was overseas dealing with a medical emergency that I had no answers for. Every morning, I woke during that dreadful experience, and prayed simply, “please be my strength today”.
2019 proved to be my nadir. In some bitterness and pain, I learned to cease trying to control my environment and that I don’t get to choose how I serve Him.
We are sanctified where we are found.
I do not consecrate myself to be a missionary or a preacher. I consecrate myself to God to do His will where I am, be it in school, office, or kitchen, or wherever He may, in His wisdom, send me.The Normal Christian Life (Watchman Nee)
God doesn’t need me to serve Him, but if I wish to serve Him, it will be on His terms, not mine.
You cannot learn surrender until all is stripped away and you have no choice but to surrender. There is no certainty in this life but God and His beautiful son. We need to keep this in our forefront every day.
So much of our lives are lived performing to the crowd. Paul in Ephesians 6:6 reminds us that we are to “obey our human masters with fear and trembling in the sincerity of your heart as to Christ…” and many of us seem to make this our priority rather than secondary in our considerations.
Paul goes on to say this, and it is a telling point. “not like those who do their work only when someone is watching – as PEOPLE PLEASERS – but as slaves of Christ doing the will of God from the heart”.
An Audience of Two
I have lived my life at times as a slave to the eyes of those around me. Since Oct 2017, when I set my heart on directing my heart to God only, renewing my determination to live only in Christ, I have started seeking to “perform” for an audience of two. Everything in my life, to the best of my ability, is now a performance only for the eyes of God and His Son, Jesus Christ.
In this, I wait (I hope humbly and not in bitterness) for God to teach me the path that I should pursue.
Ask yourself this… if you were only to perform for an audience of these two, would your life be liberated?